Locked in a basement whose walls and floors explored all dimensions of the color grey, the fifth grade students of St. Mary's Elementary were treated one good Friday to a gruesome re-telling of the Passion of the Christ, Stephen Dedalus-style. As Father John detailed the mechanics of Our Saviour's crucifixtion, narrating that great sacrifice by the centimeter of the nails slammed into Christ's holy paws, David Axelrod, aged ten years old, sat in the bathroom stalls, having called for a "pee break" fifteen minutes earlier. In truth, David had hoped to find respite from his growing sense of self-loathing, but ended up finding quite the opposite. With the Father's voice creeping underneath the door gap like that wretched serpent who tempted sweet but dumb Adam, the walls closed in upon young Axel's domespace and the nails holding his paltry stall together slowly unscrewed themselves as if they were being removed by some wizened servant of the Lord.
With his navy-blue trousers resting on top of his black Hush Puppies, Axel was lifted from his porcelain chair and thrust against the bathroom's icy-cold tiling, somehow resting above the tiled floor. The nails soon arranged themselves in the shape of our Lord's promise and came rocketing at Axel's soon-to-be points of stigmata. However, literally a centimeter before contact, a voice came pounding down upon the petrified lad and implored him the following:
"OH YOUTH, YOU CANNOT HIDE FROM MY SACRIFICE. YOU MUST BECOME IT."
And so, David Axelrod one day hi-jacked The Electric Prunes, a group floundering in sin, and recorded an album to save us all: Release of an Oath
The Electric Prunes-Kol Nidre [alt link]
The Electric Prunes-Holy Are You [alt link]
The Electric Prunes-General Confessional [alt link]
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