Humans are Crystals of the Mind

New music, erm, Monday? More like "take a massive word dump on a few of the albums I've been listening to in the past week."
Never having cared much about Jagjaguwar's releases (I mean, Oneida is adequate, but I've never felt compelled to listen to a whole album, Wilderness was pathetically overhyped and massively underwhelming, and Pink Mountaintops is just total shit), one might wonder why the hell I feel compelled to spend my infrequent, but oh-so precious witticisms on the upcoming release, "Star Destroyer," by new 'jag signing Alex Delivery. I mean, isn't the whole point of an audio blog to single-mindedly beat the few new discoveries we tastemaking poseuers stumble upon each month into the ground with over-earnest and short-lived adulation? We're kind of like amped-up-on-Stacker 5 hockey dads stuck on the sidelines of the musik world, choking one another to relive glory days we've never nor will ever have. What use do we douchebags have for the grey area? It's black and white, babay, black and white!!!
But when a band's write-up hails such Kraut Kings as Can or Faust as reference points, I, MC Homewrecka, feel it my heaven-bound duty to investigate if said names were used in vain. And were they ever. What's so frustrating with this album is that it's so mediocre, so neither here nor there, so blahhhh, that it's hard to really muster up too strong of feelings about it. But let's try...
Underneath all the notable name-dropping, this is another drab, over-emotive, limp weiner collection of indie rock yarns that either go nowhere or dissolve into predictable and obvious kraut-derived jams ("Star Destroyer" is straight-up 50/50). They have all the moves down--the "Future Days" wobble, the Neu chug-a-lug, the Faust non-linearity-but that's all "Star Destroyer" is: a bunch of superficial posturing. Forget about ghosts, I don't think even mice would want to live in this souless indie rock-bot. Basically, Alex Delivery are too pussy to play kraut rock. Now I hate to seem like I'm engaging in the grade-school misogyny of my TRP compatriots, but goddamnit, could Alex Delivery ever churn out a 20 minute pop gem during an 8 hour freak out? I thinks nots. But you be the judge, d-bag...
Alex Delivery - Milan